LHC shut down compels CERN to collide mosquitoes

Due to the Large Hadron Collider's shut down for the winter caused by technical difficulties, CERN unvails the SMC, the Small Mosquito Collider, condemned by Stephen Hawking as an insult to science. "This is bullshit," said Hawking. "CERN breaks the LHC, and this is their back up plan? They better pray for a stable black hole, that's all I have to say," Hawking stated angrily, before blowing his chair's speakers.

A tonne of liquid helium leaked into the experiment's 17 mile (27km) long tunnel 19 September, caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. Once the incident was discovered, CERN physicists scrambled to the surface with nets.

"Coming immediately after the successful start-up of LHC on September 10th, this is undoubtedly a psychological blow," said Robert Aymar, director-general of the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern). "But we're sure we'll get desired results from the SMC as soon as we find some mosquitoes, but if not, we'll coordinate with Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute to use their Giant Animal Smasher, GAS."

Brian Cox, in a statement on BBC radio, reiterated CERN's talking points to defend the SMC. "We've been saying this all along, colliding mosquitoes is equivalent to colliding protons. Why wouldn't we fall back to our original collider? Oops," Brian Cox admits. "I know, I know... Why spend billions of dollars on a particle accelerator when you can get the same results smashing Mosquitoes? Well guess what, the LHC is paid for, so get over it! Anybody who thinks you can make a living from the SMC is a twat!"

To fend off critics before they could slam the SMC, CERN physicists dismissed any idea that smashing mosquitoes would create a super bug that would suck you dry.

CERN wins battle at Wikipedia, LHC history scrubbed

For months on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) Wikipedia page a war has been raging between independent physicists and CERN over it's safety, but we have a winner! Wikipedia has watered down the LHC safety issues, banned some veteran members from editing the page, and scrubbed the page history so you can't read it, so to a new visitor clicking on the tab labeled history of the LHC page, it would look like the page was created 7 September, 2008, or whatever date it might be at the time of reading this article since it's continuously being scrubbed, when in reality it was created around 14 January 2004 according to the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine.

CERN insider:
"Wikipedia removing the LHC history doesn't put us in a good light. That's why the edit feature is there, to make changes to the page, so there was no need to erase it's history. Wouldn't be surprised if people think Wiki was strong armed, or bribed to remove the history. Kind of makes me wonder myself."

Yeah, makes us wonder too. Well lets see why the LHC Wikipedia history was scrubbed, shall we. Using the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine, 8 August 2007, under the topic "Safety concerns" it stated:

"As with the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC), people both inside and outside of the physics community have voiced concern that the LHC might trigger one of several theoretical disasters capable of destroying the Earth or even our entire Universe. Each advance in particle accelerator technology exposes the stability of the very fabric of the universe to more stringent tests. RHIC has been running since 2000 and has generated no major problems; however the Large Hadron Collider is set to create an environment significantly more exotic than realized in the RHIC, and therefore the probability of catastrophe is greater."

...then describing the possible disasters, followed by a CERN report that concluded:

"We find no basis for any conceivable threat. If black holes are produced, they are expected to evaporate almost immediately via Hawking radiation and thus be harmless."

leaving out that the existence of Hawking radiation has not been experimentally observed, and amongst scientists worldwide, Hawking's theory has been proven to be fundamentally flawed, violating Einstein's general relativity theories.

The Safety concerns topic ends with a statement by John Nelson, professor of nuclear physics at Birmingham University who is leading the British scientific team at RHIC:

"it is astonishingly unlikely that there is any risk—but I could not prove it."

Similar to CERN physicist Brian Cox statements "We know the LHC is safe," followed by "None of those big leaps were made with us knowing what was going to happen."

Maybe CERN, I mean Wikipedia, should scrub Brian's page too, completely!

Questions to ask Stephen Hawking on CNN

CNN will be relaying questions to cosmologist, theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking in relation to space, which will air on their show "The Spirit of Space" early October. Since everyone states Stephen Hawking is possibly the smartest person on the planet, he shouldn't have any problems answering questions if you ask him these questions below:

* Are Earth particles stationary to cosmic rays, meaning they can't move a centimeter without getting hit by these rays?

* If Hawking radiation doesn't exist, what will happen to black holes?

* How fast does black holes suck in matter?

* If you're wrong about hawking radiation, do you feel comfortable that the most destructive force in the universe will be created in the heart of Europe at the LHC, one per second?

* What happens when black holes collide with each other?

If he doesn't answer any of the questions above, we know where his hearts is, and it isn't space. The Nobel prize in physics!

Hawking Radiation, Higgs Boson, do or bust (implode)

10 September, Red Button Day as CERN calls it... Whoo-hoo! ...the first beams of protons will be injected into the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), and through various sources, either it's going to circulate in one direction to test the 17 mile round particle accelerator for a few weeks, or smash protons together at near light speed either that day or by the end of this week, or in two months.

Anyway, depending on when these collisions take place, the main purpose is to detect the Higgs Boson, what CERN calls the God particle, which Stephen Hawking placed a bet against it being discovered in 2000 once the LHC is operational, that still holds today, but still expects his own theory, Hawking Radiation, will evaporate micro black holes before they could become stable enough to grow, even after losing a bet causing him to admit in 2004 that the Hawking Radiation theory was in error for over 30 years.

Knowing this, CERN still expects the unproven Hawking Radiation theory to still save the day if micro black holes are produced through LHC collisions, not even considering that it could be completely wrong. Now if Stephen Hawking states Higgs Boson wont be created through LHC collisions which some fanatical CERN supporters call idiotically ludicrous to even think, why do they still expect Hawking Radiation to evaporate micro black holes when they now call Hawking an idiot?

Wait till we cross into the next dimension, then you can call him names! Sheesh!

AFP - Hawking bets CERN mega-machine won't find 'God's Particle'
The Guardian - Hawking revises black hole thinking