CERN's Gods: Higgs Boson, and Shiva (Destroyer of Worlds)

UPDATE: I know, updates are usually added at the end of an entry. Just want to get the record straight before you continue reading, me and CW don't believe CERN worships India's God, Shiva. They own a statue of this God on their property, which represents creation followed by destruction. Carry on...

As physicists and technicians at the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) race to repair the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) to continue their search for the God particle, Higgs Boson, another God in statue form by the name of Shiva, destroyer in Hinduism, presides above ground at CERN.

That's right, CERN, the organization that states all is safe while denouncing critics who fear the LHC could destroy the world while trying to recreate the Big Bang, is proudly displaying a gift from India, a statue of their God Shiva (Destroyer of Worlds), dancing the Tandava, in his manifestation of Nataraja, which is part of his activities of creation and destruction. WTF is CERN thinking?

It's no wonder a 17 year old girl from India committed suicide over the LHC.

LHC shut down compels CERN to collide mosquitoes

Due to the Large Hadron Collider's shut down for the winter caused by technical difficulties, CERN unvails the SMC, the Small Mosquito Collider, condemned by Stephen Hawking as an insult to science. "This is bullshit," said Hawking. "CERN breaks the LHC, and this is their back up plan? They better pray for a stable black hole, that's all I have to say," Hawking stated angrily, before blowing his chair's speakers.

A tonne of liquid helium leaked into the experiment's 17 mile (27km) long tunnel 19 September, caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. Once the incident was discovered, CERN physicists scrambled to the surface with nets.

"Coming immediately after the successful start-up of LHC on September 10th, this is undoubtedly a psychological blow," said Robert Aymar, director-general of the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern). "But we're sure we'll get desired results from the SMC as soon as we find some mosquitoes, but if not, we'll coordinate with Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute to use their Giant Animal Smasher, GAS."

Brian Cox, in a statement on BBC radio, reiterated CERN's talking points to defend the SMC. "We've been saying this all along, colliding mosquitoes is equivalent to colliding protons. Why wouldn't we fall back to our original collider? Oops," Brian Cox admits. "I know, I know... Why spend billions of dollars on a particle accelerator when you can get the same results smashing Mosquitoes? Well guess what, the LHC is paid for, so get over it! Anybody who thinks you can make a living from the SMC is a twat!"

To fend off critics before they could slam the SMC, CERN physicists dismissed any idea that smashing mosquitoes would create a super bug that would suck you dry.

CERN: LHC produced black holes could remain on Earth

In the past CERN stated that if microscopic black holes were to be found at the LHC (Large Hadron Collider), they would exist only for a fleeting moment. Today, their definition of a fleeting moment also means all eternity:

"Those produced (micro black holes) by cosmic rays would pass harmlessly through the Earth into space, whereas those produced by the LHC could remain on Earth. However, there are much larger and denser astronomical bodies than the Earth in the Universe. Black holes produced in cosmic-ray collisions with bodies such as neutron stars and white dwarf stars would be brought to rest. The continued existence of such dense bodies, as well as the Earth, rules out the possibility of the LHC producing any dangerous black holes." Reference Link

So to all you people who stated for months there's a chance the LHC could create stable black holes, enough already!
CERN admits it! But no worries, they wont be dangerous... and if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you!

Photo by Keith Pomakis

Questions to ask Stephen Hawking on CNN

CNN will be relaying questions to cosmologist, theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking in relation to space, which will air on their show "The Spirit of Space" early October. Since everyone states Stephen Hawking is possibly the smartest person on the planet, he shouldn't have any problems answering questions if you ask him these questions below:

* Are Earth particles stationary to cosmic rays, meaning they can't move a centimeter without getting hit by these rays?

* If Hawking radiation doesn't exist, what will happen to black holes?

* How fast does black holes suck in matter?

* If you're wrong about hawking radiation, do you feel comfortable that the most destructive force in the universe will be created in the heart of Europe at the LHC, one per second?

* What happens when black holes collide with each other?

If he doesn't answer any of the questions above, we know where his hearts is, and it isn't space. The Nobel prize in physics!

Cern's logo, 666? Learn it's true origin.

By CERN Insider

Ok, you know what, I'm not going to embarrass the people who have confused CERN's logo for the mark of the beast, specially since I'm nervous about this experiment myself. My time is particles, not planning the Earths destruction so I can shout at GOD "I won!" Below you will find out CERN's logos true origin, and the logo that didn't make the cut that would have really got everyone up in arms, which would have been understandable today.

CERN's logo is taken from the design of synchrotron particle accelerators. Originally the design was going to resemble the outline of a schematic of a synchrotron, but the problem with that, CERN's logo would have looked like a black hole. Not good. So what we did with this logo design was remove a couple lines, shorten and angle a line in the opposite direction, off center it all, then add another circle with a line sticking up to help break up the original design. And that's how CERN's logo came to be.

So please, people... your souls are safe... for now. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!

(Thanks to CERN insider for article)

NOTE: Synchrotron image above is not the machine CERN's logo is based on, but a similar design. CERN insider asked me to update the first sentence of this article to state how he feels about the LHC experiment.