LHC shut down compels CERN to collide mosquitoes

Due to the Large Hadron Collider's shut down for the winter caused by technical difficulties, CERN unvails the SMC, the Small Mosquito Collider, condemned by Stephen Hawking as an insult to science. "This is bullshit," said Hawking. "CERN breaks the LHC, and this is their back up plan? They better pray for a stable black hole, that's all I have to say," Hawking stated angrily, before blowing his chair's speakers.

A tonne of liquid helium leaked into the experiment's 17 mile (27km) long tunnel 19 September, caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. Once the incident was discovered, CERN physicists scrambled to the surface with nets.

"Coming immediately after the successful start-up of LHC on September 10th, this is undoubtedly a psychological blow," said Robert Aymar, director-general of the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern). "But we're sure we'll get desired results from the SMC as soon as we find some mosquitoes, but if not, we'll coordinate with Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute to use their Giant Animal Smasher, GAS."

Brian Cox, in a statement on BBC radio, reiterated CERN's talking points to defend the SMC. "We've been saying this all along, colliding mosquitoes is equivalent to colliding protons. Why wouldn't we fall back to our original collider? Oops," Brian Cox admits. "I know, I know... Why spend billions of dollars on a particle accelerator when you can get the same results smashing Mosquitoes? Well guess what, the LHC is paid for, so get over it! Anybody who thinks you can make a living from the SMC is a twat!"

To fend off critics before they could slam the SMC, CERN physicists dismissed any idea that smashing mosquitoes would create a super bug that would suck you dry.

Hello CERN!

Everybody wave!

BLOG VISITOR (CERN) ANALYSIS Referrer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Safety_of_the_Large_Hadron_Collider Host Name: pcth203.cern.ch IP Address: 137.*.*.* [Censored] Might be an inside friendly :) or a twat. Brian? Country: Switzerland Region: Geneva City: [Censored] ISP: Cern Routed Backbone Returning Visits: 0 Visit Length: 3 hours 58 mins 48 secs VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS Browser: Firefox 3.0 Operating System: Linux Resolution: 0x1024 Javascript: Enabled

And a big welcome to everyone coming from LHC Concerns, and Wikipedia!

CERN wins battle at Wikipedia, LHC history scrubbed

For months on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) Wikipedia page a war has been raging between independent physicists and CERN over it's safety, but we have a winner! Wikipedia has watered down the LHC safety issues, banned some veteran members from editing the page, and scrubbed the page history so you can't read it, so to a new visitor clicking on the tab labeled history of the LHC page, it would look like the page was created 7 September, 2008, or whatever date it might be at the time of reading this article since it's continuously being scrubbed, when in reality it was created around 14 January 2004 according to the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine.

CERN insider:
"Wikipedia removing the LHC history doesn't put us in a good light. That's why the edit feature is there, to make changes to the page, so there was no need to erase it's history. Wouldn't be surprised if people think Wiki was strong armed, or bribed to remove the history. Kind of makes me wonder myself."

Yeah, makes us wonder too. Well lets see why the LHC Wikipedia history was scrubbed, shall we. Using the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine, 8 August 2007, under the topic "Safety concerns" it stated:

"As with the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC), people both inside and outside of the physics community have voiced concern that the LHC might trigger one of several theoretical disasters capable of destroying the Earth or even our entire Universe. Each advance in particle accelerator technology exposes the stability of the very fabric of the universe to more stringent tests. RHIC has been running since 2000 and has generated no major problems; however the Large Hadron Collider is set to create an environment significantly more exotic than realized in the RHIC, and therefore the probability of catastrophe is greater."

...then describing the possible disasters, followed by a CERN report that concluded:

"We find no basis for any conceivable threat. If black holes are produced, they are expected to evaporate almost immediately via Hawking radiation and thus be harmless."

leaving out that the existence of Hawking radiation has not been experimentally observed, and amongst scientists worldwide, Hawking's theory has been proven to be fundamentally flawed, violating Einstein's general relativity theories.

The Safety concerns topic ends with a statement by John Nelson, professor of nuclear physics at Birmingham University who is leading the British scientific team at RHIC:

"it is astonishingly unlikely that there is any risk—but I could not prove it."

Similar to CERN physicist Brian Cox statements "We know the LHC is safe," followed by "None of those big leaps were made with us knowing what was going to happen."

Maybe CERN, I mean Wikipedia, should scrub Brian's page too, completely!

CERN physicist Brian Cox banned TED video

If he knows what he's doing here, it's a miracle!

CERN physicist Brian Cox strikes again!

For a physicist at CERN, Brian Cox sure knows a lot about nothing, and he still has a job?

"At every stage of understanding the universe better, the benefits to civilisation have been immeasurable. None of those big leaps were made with us knowing what was going to happen." - Brian Cox
Reference Link

You got to love this guy!

Click this text for previous quotes by the boy genius, Brian Cox.

CERN physicist quotes on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC)

Physicists at CERN know people are concerned about the safety of the world when LHC is launched on Red Button Day, September 10, that it could create stable micro black holes that could grow, Strangelets, and so on. So to help set fears aside, quotes from physicist extraordinaire Dr Brian Cox are provided below.
So relax... we're going to be ok.

"I have no idea what the discoveries at
the LHC will lead to."
Reference link

"We know it will discover exciting things. We just don't know what they are yet."
Reference link

"We might not have thought of what turns up, but we know we've got to see it."
Reference link

"The LHC is certainly, by far, the biggest jump into the unknown."
Reference link

"We know it will discover something because we have deliberately built it to journey to uncharted waters."
Reference link

Feel better?